The 10 o'clock Moment

This is a day when everything happened at 10:00. It seemed a cosmic force was pulling everything into one chaotic mess at once. Through a series of cancellations and last minute availabilities, I ended up with my 20-week anatomy ultrasound today at 10 and Kaitlin’s hearing test at 10:20.

We have noticed for a while that Kaitlin is not talking as much as she should. We figured it must be the pacifier or she has two big sisters that wait on her hand and foot, why should she talk? We made a concerted effort to take away the pacifier and really over say things and try to encourage her to use words rather than gestures. Still not talking. The pediatrician agreed she should be evaluated and she was. The report read, “significant expressive speech delay.” They recommended a speech therapist come to our home once a week to work with her. While doing a complete assessment, they tested her vision and hearing. Her left ear came back as “needs referral” with the first machine. The second said, “blocked." The therapist assured me it could be wax or a little head congestion that distorted things, but nonetheless, she needed to be seen by a pediatric audiologist. Her original appointment was set for mid Jan. They called last minute yesterday with a cancellation at 10:20 today. I figured out a sitter for Karlie and my mom took her to the appointment while I went to my ultrasound.

That leaves Max. Apparently today at 10 he was supposed to be three places at once. And I thought 2 were bad. He was scheduled to interview two people and be at our ultrasound. Can you guess who lost? Yep, me. So as I lay on the table at what was this exciting and amazing moment of getting to see our little baby, I felt very sad and alone. I saw his cute little feet, his sweet profile, and his big hand waving “hi!” But there was no hand to squeeze, no one to share in the excitement that only the father can know, and no one to chuckle with about it still being a boy. No one to beam my proud smile at, just the ultrasound tech who didn’t know me from Adam. During the scan my mom called to let me know that Kaitlin’s hearing is perfectly normal and all is well. I thanked God for my little one being ok, for the baby checking out well, for my mom who is always there for me, and for my husband that is only a floor above me (even if he did miss this VERY important appointment).

At this moment I am suddenly acutely aware of single moms. My heartbreaks for them as I think of each milestone in pregnancy and childrearing that they must face alone. Not to mention the difficult times of discipline, illness, and injury of their sweet ones. I think of all those moms who are “single” as their husbands are off fighting for us. Not only do they have to go it alone, but the stress of knowing their husband is in constant danger must be agonizing. I think back to the 3 deliveries I did with women who only had a picture of their husband on side table. These thoughts wade heavy on my heart as I lay their looking at the blessing God has given me. Who am I to be so sad when this miracle is right in front of me and I have a healthy family, loving husband, and supportive family? Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in my own little life and every now and then I catch a glimpse of something bigger and am humbled by it.

My prayer today is for the single moms out there. Their strength has no measure.


Abbie said...

My heart is beaming! What GREAT news about your daughter! I was WIDE awake the other night unable to sleep, when I REALLY should have been, and I prayed for you and your family. Because even though we don't know each other, we are both mommys and it's devastating to think something could be 'wrong' with your little one. I'm so happy to hear that everything turned out ok! And you are having a boy!! How exciting! haha

Steph said...

I'm so happy for you & Kaitlin and the rest of your family...that is GREAT news!

So sorry you had to have your ultrasound all alone. I can't image being a single parent and/or going through that alone while my husband is off defending the country. Yes, I agree...kudos & prayers for all those brave "single" mommies out there!

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