Blessed

If we forgot our troubles as easily as we forget our blessings, how different things would be.
-James Allen
I have been blue about that it looks like Version 4.0 will be born via cesarean. Kaitlin's birth was a very spiritual and moving moment in my life. The recovery of my cesarean births was long and painful where the vaginal birth recovery was less than 2 weeks. It seems daunting to care for 4 kids after a cesarean and I long to have another magical moment. I have been obsessing about it and doing everything ever known to do that could help flip him to head down. I am loosing sleep at night because when ever he enters an active phase I lie there hoping it will be the time that he turns. An hour or two later I have gained nothing but some dark circles under my eyes and he is still cozy in his breech spot.

This Sunday I had one of those "ah-ha moments," where I realized how all my focus and energy has been on his position and I had lost sight of all that is in front of me. I have three beautiful girls who are healthy and the light of my life. I have an amazing husband who loves me as much as I love him. I am about to have a son who by all the screening test is healthy as a horse. I have a cute little house that has everything we need and hundreds of things we don't. We have an abundance of food and water. We have shelter and heat. We have reliable cars. For the moment we can afford to drive them (this may change over the summer with the increase in oil prices). I no longer have to work nights. Max has a job he loves. I have access to health care and get treated like a VIP since I use to work with all the people who care for me. Most importantly, I have a God who loves me and has a plan for my life. It was here I realized that it was time to lay it at his feet and let go of my sense of control over the matter. Since then I have felt renewed, happy and like a ton of bricks have been lifted. If only I could so clearly see and be thankful for all of the blessings I take for granted daily and not let the troubles cloud my vision.

2 comments:

Monday through Sunday said...

You are truly a blessed woman. Do not give up hope yet....rest in the Lord..He has taken care of you thus far...

Abbie said...

You are so amazing my dear katie. Just awesomely amazing. And so is our awesome awesome God-don't forget dear friend: HE KNOWS WHAT HES DOING!! :)

P.S. took me MONTHS to recover from my vaginal birth, so maybe God is saving you from a little unseen pain? :) Love love love you!